Tuesday, February 14, 2017

One-Eyed Pirate Snorkeler -- Coron, The Philippines

I'm starting this post from Carmelence Lodge in Tagatay, the Philippines. Wind rustles through the trees, and I watch the light play off the glossy leaves outside the window to my left. Branches bend, sway and snap back into place. Find a moment of stillness, and then start the dance again.

This is my life. 

 I'm cozily tucked into more blankets than I've needed/tolerated since leaving Nepal three weeks ago. At just over 600 meters elevation, Tagatay is significantly cooler than Manila, Puerto Princesa, El Nido or Coron. A coolness I welcome. And cherish, as I'm heading to Thailand the day after tomorrow, and I'm morosely anticipating spending the next month glazed in a persistent layer of sweat.

My empty coffee cup sits on the glass table under the window to my left. It's surrounded by a scattering of slightly wilted white and red rose petals.

Damn Valentine's Day. 

Because Andrej and I travel together, most people infer that we're a couple. Which irritates me simply because it reinforces the archaic notion that men and women can't just, you know, be friends. Adhering to this maddening mindset, Carmelence Lodge went far out of its way to make our room romantic for Valentine's Day. Rose petals were scattered across the floor and atop the table when we arrived. Towels were rolled up and arranged like kissing swans, necks creating that terribly banal heart, a single red rose nestled in between them.

Jesus Christ. I don't know if even Boy would get this sappy. And Boy is the king of sap.

We were even given a package of complimentary Valentine's Day cookies. Which bothered me much less than the rose petals, which keep sticking to my feet and staining my white bed sheets with pink splotches.

Damn Valentine's Day.

Our first morning in Coron was luxuriously slow. We lazily ate breakfast at the resort's restaurant, I wrote a blog post (or three), Andrej took a dip in the sea and I read a few chapters of my newest Daniel Siegel book.

Sometimes we need a vacation from this vacation. 

Andrej and I took the boat into town at around three o'clock and devoured a late lunch at Winnie's. Then we decided it would be a grand idea to hike up 700+ stairs to Mount Tapyas for the sunset.



Andrej soldiered slowly and steadily to the top of the mountain. I scampered up a few steps, paused to snap a few pictures, and then scampered up some more.


I don't believe in walking up stairs. I hate them too much. When possible, I skip, hop, trot up them in order to get them over with as quickly as possible. Just like if Boy was forced to eat peanut butter, he would not try to savor the experience. He would get it over with as quickly as possible (even though, like stairs, peanut butter is a rather difficult substance to get over with as quickly as possible).

Every hundredth step in the 700+ mountain was marked. For the first few hundred, I found this mightily disheartening. However, at stair 600, I got a smiley face.

Which greatly improved my mood.


At the top of Tapyas, there was a monstrous white cross. Which didn't surprise me, as crosses and stray dogs appear to be nearly as prevalent in The Philippines as knives are absent. 


Andrej and I sat with dozens of other tourists and soaked in the breathtaking sunset.



We bought some gelato, then boarded the boat back to our island resort, congratulating ourselves for having such a spectacularly easy day.

Andrej and I had booked "The Ultimate Tour" for our final day in Coron, so we headed into town at seven am, ate a quick breakfast and then scurried over to the tour agency. Which was far more legit than the tour agency that had scammed us in El Nido.


We boarded our boat, "Prince Mathew" (which made me miss my Kiwi), with an entire family of Filipinos on vacation from Manila.


At first, I was rather skeptical about sharing the tour with a family of seven. I felt like Andrej and I would just be unwelcome tag-a-longs.  However, immediately after setting off, one of the women offered me a small bag of peanuts.

Friendship initiated. 
 

Our first stop was Siete Pescados, a breathtaking bed of vibrant coral, populated with a multitude of dazzling fish.


Unfortunately, contact lenses still make my poor eyes feel scratchy, dry and painful. But as I couldn't (obviously) wear my glasses underneath my snorkeling goggles, I had to sacrifice my comfort in order to see all those dazzling fishes. As my left eye has been faring far better than my right, I decided to just pop in that lens and be pretty much blind out of my right eye.

Which made me feel pathetic, but also like a pirate.

This is what I must have looked like to all the fishes, as I floated above them.


No wonder they were looking at me funny. 
 
"I stepped on a coral!" a bald Filipino complained as we clamored back onto Prince Mathew. "It felt like a bee!"

"You cry more than your baby," ribbed another fellow, who was clearly well-accustomed to bedeviling the bald one.

'I have three red dots!" Baldy protested. "Look!"

"Okay, goodbye!" Bedeviler chuckled. 


 Gosh, it's actually so lovely to tour with a family. I miss being around people who can make fun of each other with such abandon. 


Our next stop was at a brackish lake. I decided not to swim, but just to perch on a rock in the water and giggle at the little fishes with long, pointy noses as they curiously inspected my toes.


"Look, I'm swimming!" Baldy yelled at Bedeviler. "See my legs?" He kicked vigorously, proudly propelling himself an inch or two, head safely suspended above the water by his orange life jacket. 

"I don't believe it," Bedeviler grinned. 

The guide, an unbelievably helpful young man, pulled Baldy, Baldy's wife and their young son through the lake with a buoy. 

"If something happens to him and he doesn't come back, that would be okay!" Bedeviler shouted after the guide.


While we were swimming, the captain of Prince Mathew had prepared us a gorgeous lunch of fruit, veg, rice, pork and shrimp. Andrej and I were given plastic spoons, but the Filipino family just dug into the meal with their hands.

I mean... I like eating with my hands. But rice? That just seems tedious. 
 

We set off for our third destination, motoring past some buoys on the way.


"There is a use for you if you drown!" Bedeviler shouted at Baldy over the roar of the motor.

"Yes?"

"You see all those balls, the floating ones?" Bedevlier pointed towards the buoys. "Your head can be a white one."


This family, I thought as I collapsed into my umpteenth giggle fit. This family is killing me. 
 

Our third stop was a lagoon. I donned my life jacket, strapped on my mask and snorkel and leaped into the warm, salty water.

"For a cat who doesn't like to swim, you've been swimming a lot today," Andrej commented.

"Andrej, I have a life jacket. This isn't swimming. This is floating with enthusiasm."


I enthusiastically floated all around the lagoon, then gradually made my way back to Prince Mathew and did some yoga whilst everyone else finished up their own floating (Andrej and the guide are the only swimmers on board).


Our fourth stop was at shipwreck from WWII. It was a buried a bit too deep for me to see as a one-eyed pirate snorkeler, so I enthusiastically floated past it and hung out above a pretty bed of coral.

An unnerving aspect about snorkeling in the Philippines, is the prodigious amount of enormous sea urchins. These beasties are nestled into crooks and crannies of corals, at what seems like mere inches below my very vulnerable belly. 


Our final stop for the day was at a white, sandy beach.
 

Andrej and I waded through the warm, waist deep water. Robust wind buffeted us as we pushed our way towards the beach.

How sublime is this? 

I'd brought my sarong along, in hopes that I could spread it on the sand and nap for a few minutes before we set off for Coron.

But the wind was far too violent for napping.

Which I love. 

So, feet buried in sand and sea, I faced the wind and giddily grasped the corners of my sarong as it billowed behind me like a sail.

I threw back my head and laughed, the gale sweeping the laughter from my lips, turning my shorn head into a ruffled masterpiece and making me feel very much alive.

I'm not sure if days get more beautiful than this. 


 Andrej and I finished up the evening at a bar on the dock, sipping strawberry daiquiris --


-- discussing the placement of hair on the helpful mermaids --


-- and being awed by yet another spectacular sunset.


No. Days don't get much more beautiful than this. 
 

Hehe... Imagine what it would have looked like if I could've seen it with TWO eyes. Hehe...

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