Survival Guide for Vagabonding Ireland

Survival guide for vagabonding Ireland 

(to be edited as my travels continue)

• Never drink tea or coffee by yourself. If you visit anyone, anywhere in Ireland, you will be offered both. Develop your caffeine tolerance accordingly.
• Cookies are called biscuits. Just like Kleenex are called tissues. If you ask for a cookie with your coffee, they will generally assume you want a specific brand of biscuit.
• Don’t look down upon the tiny tea/coffee cups people will offer you here. In the States, I’m very much attached to my tea/coffee mugs that are larger than my head and have room for both of my hands to wrap all the way around them on chilly mornings. It was never a problem because I’d drink my large cup of coffee in the morning and move on to the more benign, herbal varieties (I've heard the Irish call it “hippie tea”) for the rest of the day. Herbal tea is not a particularly sought after infusion in Ireland, so you will most likely be offered Earl Grey or Barry’s Gold when inevitably invited in for tea. So don’t turn up your nose at the tiny, delicate teacups, but appreciate them as the useful pacing devices they are. 
• Drink your tea, coffee, and alcohol slowly. Irish hospitality will not stand for an empty cup. If you don’t want more than one drink of aforementioned beverages, leave at least half an inch at the bottom of your cup until a few minutes before you plan to leave.
•  If you put the kettle on, always offer the rest of the people within earshot a cup of tea or coffee. I’ve even heard of people going next door to ask their neighbors if they want tea when they’re putting the kettle on. Always ask if they take milk or sugar.
• If you are in the south or the west of Ireland, you will most likely be drinking Barry’s tea. If you are in Dublin, you will be drinking Lyon’s.  There is a fierce rivalry over which brand is better (particularly on the part of a Barry drinker – they bring teabags with them on vacation), so I suggest a somewhat reserved neutrality on the subject.
• If you’re a celiac in Ireland and want to enjoy a night at the pub without getting exponentially more inebriated than your fellow pub-goers, drink a pint of Bulmers to their pint of Guinness.
• People in the north and the east drink Guinness. People in the south and the west drink Murphy’s and Beamish. There is strong controversy. Profess your preferences accordingly.
• Cookbooks that seem to be in every kitchen: A Ballymaloe Cookbook by Darina Allen, and one (or several) of Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution cookbooks. Nobody really cooks from the Jamie Oliver cookbooks, but they make fantastic gifts. Just like chocolate, wine, and cheese.
• Don’t bother bringing a sleeping bag to Ireland. It takes up loads of space, and you’ll never use it. Nobody will let you sleep in anything that makes it seem as if you’re camping when under his or her roof. You will be offered a duvet, which is exponentially nicer than a sleeping bag or normal blanket.
• Learn how to stuff a duvet into a duvet cover. Duvet stuffing is a lot harder than it looks (or sounds), but people here seem to possess some sort of trick that helps speed up the complicated, tedious process. Find an experienced duvet stuffer and try to learn their secrets.
• Lidle, Tesco, and Aldi are the cheapest places to shop. They’re German and English companies though, so if you want to support Ireland while living on a budget, you should probably shop at Dunne’s or Supervalu. For cheap Irish clothes, try Penny’s.
• Grow to love or grow to tolerate the Jack Russell Terrier. Everyone has at least one. I’d say that there are three super-popular dog breeds in Ireland – the Jack Russell Terrier, the HOUND, and the Labrador Retriever. The Jack Russell Terrier dwarfs even these two dogs in its immense numbers, though. So if you want to travel Ireland by living with strangers, acquaintances, and friends of acquaintances, be prepared to love their Terrier. Don’t worry, though – as long as you’re not up on a horse, the terriers here seem very easy to love. I nearly kidnapped Roisin’s terrier, problematic puppy passports be damned.
• Buy waterproof boots. Do not think you can get around this one. I bought a pair of Rocketdogs, which are absolutely fantastic thus far. They’re just as cozy as Uggs, but not quite as clunky.
• Buy wool socks. You can get really thick, comfortable socks at just about any store. Next to the potatoes, umbrellas and the chocolates.
• Buy a wool hat (or get me to make you one J).
• Make good use of scarves. I have not had a scarf of my own during my visit to Ireland, but I’ve certainly wanted one.
• It really doesn’t matter how cheap/unstylish your clothes are as long as you have a nice jacket and cute boots. Because that’s most of what people see here. Invest in your wardrobe accordingly.
• In a pub, if you cannot afford to buy everyone else in your party a drink, don’t accept a drink from them. This works out a bit differently for us broke volunteers, but as a general rule, people expect you to buy your round.  People know that I’m not able to afford a round of drinks, so they’re incredibly generous with me.
• Even if you don’t enjoy cooking, say that you do. Culinary prowess really seems to be the key to an invitation to stay at most peoples’ homes. If you aren’t particularly experienced at cooking, just learn a few impressive recipes that you can repeat relatively inexpensively for each new host. If it’s a cultural recipe, all the better. More and more people seem to be leaning towards vegetarianism/veganism these days, so make sure that one or two recipes in your repertoire accommodate these lifestyle choices.  
• You will get a really strange look if you attempt to put the eggs into the fridge.
• Get used to really narrow, windy roads. Also, realize that the drivers saluting you as they whiz by aren’t mistaking you for someone they actually know – everyone does a one finger salute in the countryside of Ireland, and it’s considered a little rude if you don’t salute or wave in return. I must have mildly offended a good many drivers before I realized that I couldn’t possibly look like that many different people.
• Appreciate the AGA. Not only does it warm the entire house, it will dry your clothes in no more than two days.
• Learn how to live without a dryer. No one has them here, and as it’s never sunny, drying clothes can sometimes be quite an ordeal. However, the clothes last longer and hanging them up to dry above the AGA is much more energy efficient. Just be intelligent about how you wash your clothes and avoid putting ALL your warm clothes in the wash at once. I've only made this mistake once thus far, and I do not see myself repeating it in the near future.
• Don’t be afraid to talk about the weather. It isn’t space-filling chitchat here. Inclement weather plays such an integral part of life in Ireland that people really do go on about it. It’s a major topic of conversation – be you a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger off the road.
• Never arrive early. It’s rude. People aren’t ready for you yet. Learn to relax when people are late and stop taking everything so damn personally -- because it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Ireland is a culture of strong tea and conversation. This cultivates tardiness. Find a hobby (knitting is nice) to occupy you while you wait.
• If you don’t adore wind, stay on the east side of Ireland. I adore wind, so I found walking around Dingle to be an exhilarating, wonderful experience. Some might find the 100 mph wind a bit much, but I think it's grand.
• Thank the bus driver. Not only is it part of the culture here, it's a nice thing to do.
• If you plan on hitchhiking, make sure all of your bags are waterproof. You never know when you’ll get absolutely drenched. People in Ireland are really good about picking up vagabonds, so don't worry about not getting a ride -- just make sure that you're not dropped off on any of the motorways. If a Garda catches you walking along one of these roads, it's a 90 euro fine. Oof. 
• Buying bus tickets online is only fifty cents cheaper than buying at the bus. Not really worth it.
• Museums are always free in Ireland. Most are closed on Monday and they seem to close at least 15 minutes early on most days that they're open. 
• Try the smoked fish. I was disappointed to see so little sushi on this island, but the smoked salmon and mackerel are really superb.
• Grow to appreciate leggings. You can’t wear dresses or skirts without them.
• If you’re looking for humanely raised meat, go for the beef and lamb before the pork and chicken.
• TK Max is a great store to get relatively cheap, somewhat good quality clothes. All sorts of deals.
• Cabinets and closets are called "presses."
• Most people are very well informed on the "X Factor" TV show. 
• They make it very easy to buy too much chocolate.
• Learn to appreciate cow art. It’s everywhere. I’ve seen at least five gigantic cow statues in main squares and there are endless galleries entirely devoted to depicting the cow in all its subtly different forms. Grazing cow, content cow, confused cow, in your face cow, etc.
• People here do not say, "Have a nice day." Only Americans say, "Have a nice day." People in Ireland might respond to this perfunctory greeting somewhat negatively, asking, "What the hell do you care about my day?"
• People are generally really friendly. Never hesitate to ask for directions. However, if you're trying to strike up a conversation in a pub, do your best to avoid mentioning that you're American.