Sugar and Sex -- Musings on Morocco

Looking into getting married in Morocco? Are you a Muslim woman marrying a Muslim man? Have you engaged in any scandalous, pre-marital sex? Or perhaps you've grown up using dirty, cotton tampons to help out with that pesky period? If your answer is yes to most of these questions, then you might consider taking a quiet trip to your local gynecologist to get yourself some good ol' virginity surgery. Make that irksome hymen of yours as good as new! With our effective surgery (and some very good acting on your part), even your husband won't be able to tell that you've been "had" before. Yes, you can start over. And when your newly gained relations are waiting outside the "bridal chamber" the first time the two of you make love, they'll happily welcome you into their family upon receiving your blood stained panties. Hell, they might even practice a traditional ceremony wherein your panties are paraded through the streets, that all may know just how chaste you've been.

Aw, you get your very own parade. Isn't that nice?

And don't get all hot and bothered about the surgery, either. It's just a minor operation that consists of hooking biodegradable suture clips on your hymen to provoke bleeding during your "first" intercourse with your husband. Vagina blood = parade. What's not to like?

Can't afford the 3000 - 8000 dirhams it costs to recover your lost virginity? Well, don't lose hope! If your parents gave you the boot upon discovering you'd betrayed them and your religion by allowing a penis/tampon to enter into your holy place, chin up, it's not the end of the world. You may no longer be suitable Moroccan marriage material, but prostitution is always there for you -- thanks to the delightful double-standard held in this country when it comes to sex. Men push their girlfriends to go all the way with them, but require their brides to be purer than their bottled water. Unfortunately, the media is making virgins not nearly as plentiful as the bottled water. Girls now know what they're missing, and sexual liaisons amongst the upper-middle class are increasing in frequency with a rate alarming to the stalwart, lower-class, 30-year-old virgins waiting for someone to just take her panties already.

Are you a man? Are you Muslim? Do you see a pretty girl on the street? Does she look Muslim? Would you like to engage in sexual intercourse with said pretty girl? Well, I suppose you could ask nicely, but know that raping is a solid plan B. If you rape the pretty girl, you'll be cleared of all charges as long as you offer to marry her once you've finished.

There are protests in Morocco right now regarding this law. A sixteen year old girl was raped and forced by a judge to marry her rapist. She committed suicide a couple of weeks ago. Here's a link to her story: Rape Law Reform

The sugar culture here blows my mind. I knew that Morocco offered an abundance of rich spices, but I was caught entirely off-guard by the collective sweet-tooth of this country. Tea is sickeningly sweet, and Moroccans are tea addicts, so that's hundreds of calories of pure sugar every day. They put sugar in orange juice, and sugar in their milk.

This isn't my picture, but the amount of sugar for the size of the cup looks about right. Keep in mind that this sugar is extra. The tea has already been sweetened. And if your tea because supersaturated before you've stirred in your last two sugar cubes, don't you worry pretty little sweet tooth -- I've seen people snacking on sugar cubes after their tea, so feel free to gnaw away at the leftovers. You'll be a true Moroccan. ;) 

It might come as a shock to you that diabetes is one of the most frequent chronic diseases among Moroccans, but I swear upon my "sans sucre" mint tea that it is so.