Creating Oneself Endlessly -- Nice, France

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly. 

~Henri Bergson

 My life has changed again, as it always does. After leaving George in Ireland, I was overwhelmed with feelings of fear and panic, consumed with thoughts of personal inadequacies and self-doubt.

How has everything managed to go so horribly wrong?I can't... I didn't want... ACH! I can't even think clearly. I don't know what to do. My plans... my precious, well-thought out plans.
 
So what does one do when precious plans fall through?

One generally doesn't think to just stop planning.

One makes new plans! Better plans! Foolproof plans!

From this place of desperation, I reached out for something I hoped would bring me stability -- a TEFL program in Prague. I submitted the application and reserved my spot with a five hundred dollar deposit. I had confidence that I could make things work until the course commenced in April and that confidence helped get me through the next few chaotic weeks on the Emerald Isle.

But there are no foolproof plans. The program that looked so good at the time now looks like a sham. I've "liked" their page on facebook and am discouraged and disgusted each time they change their status, as each status is rife with spelling and grammatical errors.

Crap... well, I suppose I've already paid 500 dollars and they do give a certificate at the end of the program.... so... should I go regardless of their facebook problems? 

"Prague in winter is a beutiful place to be. Do not miss your opportunity and come to experience it. Check out this vidio."

Aimee. 500 dollars for a shitty certificate is a lot less than 2200 dollars for a shitty certificate. Let it go and make space for something else. 

Next April is well into the future and I know better than to get attached to any one outcome, but as of now, I am letting go of the Edua TEFL program in Prague. Perhaps I'll volunteer at a yoga retreat in Germany. Perhaps I'll teach English to kids in Spain.

Perhaps I'll meet up with Baris in Italy and we can spend the four weeks learning Italian while eating Parmesan and gelato.

A few changes in my near future:

I had planned to spend a month with my sister-in-law's brother in a small town near Frankfurt for the entire month of October. However, her brother had to cancel because of budget cuts in the military that affected accommodation.

His accommodation affected my accommodation which resulted in a sad, wobbly line being drawn through "October 3rd through November 1st = Stay with Chad!"

I looked at that line, three-finger slid to the page displaying the calculator, date, and time on my laptop (it was late August) and thought, Damn. I've never tried to find accommodation this late in the game before. Not for an entire month, anyway. Well. I started to hyperventilate and a tight ball of pain formed in my forehead. I have the choice. I can choose to view this as an opportunity to do something AWESOME with the new month of space created in my life, or I can choose to view this as the Universe hating me and wanting my life to suck. Choose, Bourget. Choose wisely.

I tend to work in extremes, in case you haven't noticed.

There's something I love about yoga. When settling into a new pose, you inhale to create space in your body and you exhale to explore that space. You sink deeper, journey further, relax more completely. But in order to discover your body's edge, you must have space.

I have space. And I choose to do something fantastic with it.

After a few hours browsing workaway.info and couchsurfing, a few hours emailing hosts, and a few rejection letters, I found myself with a new plan.

• October 3rd - October 8th = Couchsurf in Frankfurt
• October 8th - October 28th = Volunteer in Bad Muenster with alpacas.
• October 28th - November 3rd = Couchsurf in Munich
• November 3rd - November 8th = Volunteer at Pueblo Ingles in the Black Forest
• November 8th - November 10th = Couchsurf in Munich 

The Universe doesn't hate me, as satisfying as that would be for my pathetic wittle ego. Things just change, and the change generally has nothing to do with me. I can either embrace the change and flow with it or I can focus on the ball of pain in my forehead, internalize the change, and stagnate in the resentment and bitterness I feel because things "didn't go according to plan."

Umm. No.

Aimee's going to Germany to volunteer with alpacas.

After Germany, I fly into Rome. My friend in Rome had told me a few months ago that she wouldn't be able to host me because she'd be in Africa for all of November. I was disappointed that I wouldn't be able to reminisce with my friend from university and see the life she's created for herself in Italy, but I knew that things would work out. I'd find a place to stay for my ten days in the historic city and I'd have an experience wherein I'd surely learn something.

But my university friend contacted me a few days ago and said her plans had changed and that she would be in Rome for the month of November. She offered to help organize yoga classes for me, pick me up from the airport, and arrange for me to stay with some of her friends.

Hell, Baris might even come visit me in Rome.

The Universe doesn't hate me. Things just change. 

•  November 10th - November 20th = stay with friends in Rome
• November 20th - November 28th = couchsurf in Naples

After Italy, I fly into Turkey. The first couple of weeks will be spent with a good friend of mine from Colorado and I'll then spend two and a half months volunteering at a language program in Istanbul.

The workaway.info profile for my hosts in Turkey:

We run a small language program for adults and children. We are looking for Female volunteers who feel confident to help both children and adults.

Our aim
Our aim is to provide students with a unique learning experience by giving them the opportunity to speak with and learn from a native English speaker.

What you are expected to do
You are a friend to our students and you will have conversations with them about their life, your life and specific topics which we will inform you about each week. You will do activities and games centred around the English language.

The volunteers will teach English ,visit student's homes,do some indoor and outdoor activities including; going out, going to the cinema, going on picnics, organising short trips, eating, watching tv and etc.

We will provide you with suggestions about what to do with our students. We will regularly discuss their progress with you and help you with any issues you may have. We can also give you information about Istanbul and our culture.

Accommodation
What we will provide you
Apart from food and accommodation, we will cover the cost of your public transport journeys during your stay in Istanbul.We have a spare volunteer flat which is fully furnished.You will have your own room.

Please note that picnics and cinema are in my job description.

• November 28th - December 12th = explore Istanbul with my friend from Colorado (dates are approximate here)
• December 12th - December 15th = couchsurf in Istanbul
• December 15th - February 25th = volunteer at the English language program

 This is what I've got lined up for now and I'm excited for every moment. But if life does its thing and my plans end up changing, I'll just take a deep breath and explore the new space.