I've hardly glanced at my bank accounts at all, as a matter of fact.
My journal entries used to resemble the following:
England expenses:
Airport to Victoria Coach Station = 6 pounds
Volunteer with Harriet = 2 pounds per day, MAX
Couchsurf in London = 5 pounds per day, MAX
Total for England = XX
Now my journal entries delve into the realm of bumblebees and personal discoveries.
I'm learning how to trust. To trust that things will come to me as I need them.
Experiences will come.
Relationships will come.
Money will come.
I don't worry about accumulating.
About saving for rainy days.
Saving up now for something that might never be.
I'm truly living like the grasshopper from Aesop's Fables.
Except that the grasshopper didn't know how to move with the seasons.
I'm learning to see the difference between the state of "waiting" and the state of "patience".
Waiting is thinking about a day when things will be different than they are now.
Patience is accepting the day as it is now.
I'm learning to be patient.
When I was in Istanbul, I was desperate for a pair of colorful, comfortable harem pants -- but I didn't have any extra money and I knew the cold weather wouldn't permit me to wear them, anyway.
I didn't buy the colorful harem pants.
When I arrived in Vis, Kristina threw a pair of red, green, orange and black pants at me.
"For you," she said as I caught the feather-light garment.
YES. It's time for me to receive the pants.
Oddly enough, the week in which received my colorful, comfortable harem pants was the first week all year wherein the weather was warm enough to actually wear the pants.
Life will bring me what I need as I need it. I just need to be patient. Present.
I was in need of good socks to wear with my barefoot shoes. My mother sent me a care package with smartwool socks just as it became warm enough to retire my boots and unpack my barefoot shoes.
There's a special kind of sheep cheese in Croatia called Paksi Sir. It's the most famous artisan cheese in Croatia and is produced only on the island of Pag.
I must have this cheese, I thought as soon as I finished reading Wikipedia's article on Croatian cuisine.
Because of mountains breaking up Adriatic Sea breezes, most of Pag Island is covered in beautiful white salt dust. One of the few plants capable of surviving in such salty soil is the aromatic Pag's Sage. Sheep eat this salty sage and villagers of Pag make cheese out of their salty milk.
I must have this cheese.
Domagoj's gift to the villa was a wheel of Pag cheese.
Ha! It was time for me to receive the cheese.
And just as I'm learning to trust life to give me what I need, I'm beginning to let my intuition guide me to give life what it needs.
Only two people came to meditation last night. This was expected. It's near the end of the week and most retreat goers are too tired for two hours of meditation every day.
"Jurate, if no one else comes, we should just give these ladies massages," I spontaneously said to my partner in mediation.
No one else came.
Jurate received a lesson in Thai massage and the two ladies brave enough for two hours of meditation a day received hour long massages.
They didn't protest.
I usually spend the same amount of time massaging calves and hamstrings, but for some reason, I spent over twice as long on this woman's hamstrings.
They need a bit more love, I thought as I fit my foot into her upper legs.
After five minutes of deep relaxation at the end of the hour, she sat up, rubbed her face and said, "All my pain is gone. I don't know how I can thank you."
I had forgotten that this woman had been suffering from sciatica all week. The pain was manifesting itself in her glutes and hamstrings.
Which was where I'd focused my energy.
I almost started crying. She almost started crying.
We were a big, ridiculous, moppy mess.
It was time for her to receive release.
I taught with Kristina during my first week at the retreat. The students who came to my classes gave me confidence and courage and I gave them a few words they could relate with and some postures that felt good in their bodies.
Domagoj took over the main classes this week. This gave me space to learn (although I'm not very interested in his style of yoga) and time to redesign the meditation practice with Jurate.
I will teach next week's retreat alone. The first week gave me confidence.
The second week reestablished my beginner's mind. The third week starts tomorrow.
I feel prepared.
Life gives me the experiences I need as I need them.
No comments:
Post a Comment