The Gallivanting Grasshopper: Asking One Question (Aimee) -- Vienna, Austria

I've done something rather unprecedented this week.

I went and turned my strictly question/answer, move-on-please interview project into a conversation.

Or at least added some reciprocity to the equation.

I asked the question.

Listened to the answer.

Then answered the same question.

I have someone interview me every year. This is a fun little method that helps keep track of how my answers differ and makes me remember what it's like to be on the other side of the camera.

But I've never done a back and forth.

"Worst vice?"

"Dishonesty. Worst vice?"

"umm..."

A lot has changed since last year. Change might not be the word I'm looking for... umm... a lot has been discovered since last year.

Here are this year's answers.

Edited a bit here and there.

'Cos remembering everything is hard.

What does the word family mean to you?

Family. The word "family" is becoming less and less attached to biology and more and more attached to nothing. I love the biological family in the states. I love the alpaca family in Germany. I love the horse-crazy family in England. I love the Kelleher family in Grand Junction.

Family is something from which I am deliberately refraining from using the word "my".

Three worlds.

Me.

Mine.

What is not mine.

We care most about the world of me.

We care less about the world of mine.

We care least about the world of what is not mine.

Why? To maintain communities and survive better whilst evolving? Is this still necessary? Is this still healthy? Does the existence of three worlds create harmony or conflict?

A line from one of my favorite Pixar films --

"When everyone is special, no one will be."

Perhaps if no one is special, everyone will be. Perhaps if I can learn to recognize the value of lives that don't touch mine, I'll be a less egocentric, less attached person.

I think this starts with letting go of the word "my" -- especially when it comes to people.

What is the food that makes you think of home?

I used to say that the chicken tortilla soup my mom made three times a week (at least) made me think of home. But now my backpack is my home and chicken tortilla soup isn't good backpack food. Cheap wine, cheese, peanuts, chocolate -- picnic foods make me think of home.

What do you notice first in a person you're romantically attracted to?

I'm so ridiculously attracted to people who make things. I don't care what they make. Gardens. Photographs. Music. Super tasty chicken. I find the act of creation itself absolutely irresistible.

What has been your most romantic experience?

Letting someone show me how to fall into the stars.

What do you believe to be the greatest virtue?

Curiosity.

What are you most proud of?

My vulnerability.

What do you believe to be the worst vice?

I don't believe that vices exist in and of themselves. I think that most negative actions are reactions that can be traced back to fear. So I think that fear is the worst vice.

What is your biggest regret?

I regret the decisions I made out of fear. I understand that they played an important part in who I am now and that they taught me worthwhile lessons and yadayadayada, but if I were to do things over, I would probably do things differently.

What is a single defining experience that helped shape you into who you are today?

Studying theatre in university. It was the first place wherein I had to start asking questions. The first place I felt that questioning was encouraged and different answers weren't necessarily wrong.

Do you think you have control over your life?

I have control over how attached I am to life.

If you could do one thing for one person, what would you do and who would it be for?

I would give someone with a sore back a massage.

What do you have faith in?

That the next moment will be different from this one.

If you had the opportunity to change an aspect of yourself, would you take it, and if you did, what would you change?

I wish I didn't have so many biases. I wish I could be more of a blank slate.

What do you love the most about yourself?

My freedom. And how it goes hand in hand with vulnerability.

What is your most prized possession?

My macbook pro. At this point, the way I live life depends on that guy. Skyping families, contacting hosts, researching yoga, writing blog posts -- I wish I didn't have to depend so completely on something as fragile as a laptop, but that's just where I am right now.

What has been your most profound spiritual experience?

When an abusive relationship became so violent that I felt an actual separation between my body and... something. "Something" went up to the ceiling, singing that song from Mary Poppins about loving to laugh. My body stayed where it was, pushed against a wall. "Something" watched my body until it felt safe enough to float back down.

What experience has left you with the greatest sense of loss?

... I don't know. Loss is something I'm learning to appreciate because of how it forces me to acknowledge my attachments. A recent example would be the yoga training in Bratislava. I was really, REALLY attached to being a strong, fit, graceful yoga ninja. The training stripped that identity from me and left me feeling like a complete novice.

I don't have a lot of physical things I can lose (other than my laptop). I realize that I don't own people or relationships and it's easy for me to recognize that they come and go in seasons. But it's difficult for me to let go of identities. First loss was being a good Christian. Second loss was being a good university student. Third loss was being a good traveler. Fourth loss was being a yoga ninja.

I'm still working on losing the identity of being the one who always gets hurt. That'll be my greatest loss. In so many ways.

What do you daydream about?

I don't daydream so much anymore. I used to be absolutely consumed with planning and google-mapping and researching opportunities. Now I generally set aside some time for that future business and focus on enjoying the picnic at hand. Because there usually is a picnic at hand.

What annoys you the most?

I can't stand it when people tell me to relax. If I'm upset, I'm already doing my best to relax. To have someone tell me to calm down when I'm already trying to chill out just exacerbates it all. I would prefer it if people would a) back off and be patient b) give me peanuts or c) turn on some Jack Johnson.

What's something a friend might laugh and shake their head and say, "Only___. Only___ would do something like that!"

Only Aimee would pack her bag and go to Morocco to couchsurf for two months with a grand total of zero planning and 100 dollars in her bank account.

What is one of your favorite guilty pleasures?

... googlemaps. Rome2rio. Hitchwiki. Overindulgent, gratuitous planning. Like epic music and giant monsters in Peter Jackson films.

What do you do when you need to escape?

I don't really have the opportunity to escape with the way I live now. I used to go on hikes. But now... I don't have enough control or stability to have a set escape for anything.

What are you most afraid of?

Being stuck. Losing my freedom. Which is funny, because being so attached to freedom actually makes me a little stuck. Which isn't productive at all. I'm afraid of anything that could ground me. Illness. Injury. Relationships that require commitment -- from boyfriends to pet turtles to having a set Skype date with mom once a week.