Tessa's Tummy Tantrum (and super enormous lollies) -- Budapest, Hungary

Budapest.

This post is going to be severely disjointed and disorganized.

As are my thoughts.

Muddled.

Budapest.

I'm in couchsurfing heaven right now, full of bacon and ice cream and inspired by the simple goodness of beautiful human beings.

Budapest.

Tessa is in less of a couchsurfing heaven. The goodness of beautiful human beings is still quite present, but so are tummy bugs. These spiteful little monsters have made the toilet her home away from home away from home (if home even exists for people like us). She's been flitting between staggering off to the toilet and flipping through Revolutionary Road all day.

Budapest.

I like you.

(Tessa wishes she could see more of you)

At least our host's toilet is very entertaining. He has a poster on the wall with quotes that keep me happily seated and guiltily giggling long after my business is finished. I spend as long on the toilet as a Turkish person (they accomplish the majority of their problem solving on the toilet, so taking a dump is generally a long, complex procedure).

Our host is so kind that he went and bought Tessa a bag of haztartasi keksz (this might be the Hungarian word for sugar-free, flavorless crackers) that his mother gave him when he was sick. He also provided an abundance of palinka (Hungarian liqueur) and tea.

Which his mother also gave him when he was sick.

He encourages her to drink as much palinka as she can stomach.

"If you shit yourself, it's funnier if you're drunk."

I find myself agreeing with this logic (although I don't think Tessa feels the same).

Budapest.

Your first settlement was built by the Celts in 1 AD.

Romans invaded 200 years later (as Romans do), occupied and named the settlement Aquincum. Which is very Roman and proper.

They built roads and amphitheaters and things. As Romans do.

Huns conquered in the 5th century. Attila and Bleda and other burly, hairy figures (I'm generalizing here. As Americans do) vanquished the Romans and probably discontinued amphitheater construction.  

Bulgarians took a chunk in 829. When Omurtag beat Louis the Pious.

(someone with a name like Omurtag would have to beat someone with a name like Louis the Pious)

The Bulgarians separated the fortresses on the opposite side of the Danube into Buda and Pest.

Hungarians conquered and took over in the end of the 9th century.

I'm not quite sure where they came from. Wikipedia makes it seem like they appeared out of thin air, but I presume they lived somewhere before strolling into Budapest.

Ottomans attacked in 1526 and continued to pester the Hungarians until they finally completely occupied the city in 1541.

The Turks hung around for about 150 years, doing Turkish things. Building baths, converting Christians, making kebaps and inflicting Hungarians with their Turkish coffee.

Our host told us (but perhaps I misremember) that the reason pork is so popular in Hungary is because Hungarians were trying to keep their culture and cuisine alive during the Ottoman Empire.

Muslims can't eat pork (this is the primary reason I'm not a Muslim). So the Hungarians thought it would be cheeky to put it in everything. Tessa and I walked through the green market yesterday, and I swear upon my honor as a vagabond and an ardent bacon lover that I have never seen so much white pig fat in one place in all my life.

The Holy League (made up of about everyone except the Turkish) conquered Buda (amongst other places) and the Kingdom of Hungary cut ties with the Ottoman Empire in 1718.

But kept its damn coffee.

The Hapsburgs incorporated Hungary. As was their tendency, at the time.

Hungarians fought for independence in 1848. But failed.

The Austria-Hungary twin capital scheme was introduced in 1867. 

Ethnic Hungarians moved in.

Germans moved out.

Jews moved in.

"Judapest" became a thing.

Austria-Hungary collapsed in 1918 and the country was divided in 1920. Hungary lost two thirds of its land and three million of its Hungarians.

British and American air raids wreaked havoc on the city in 1944.

Around 75,000 Hungarian Jews lost their lives during WWII.

Hungary decided that communism was worth a try in 1949.

The Hungarian revolt commenced in 1956 (they decided communism wasn't their cup of tea. Or Turkish coffee).

Tessa and I went walking our first night in Budapest. We walked five minutes to Buda castle.

This is our favorite capital city thus far. Budapest wins. Then Sofia. Then Sarajevo. Then Bucharest. Then Tirana. Then Skopje. We don't know if some or better or just less worse, though.

It poured rain the next day, so Tessa and I reluctantly decided against going on a free walking tour and went to a covered green market to meet a friend of Tessa's friend in France.

Hungarian paprikas!

Fat. So much.

We went back home to meet our host (who is the king of couchsurfing) and dry off. As soon as the rain let up and we stopped being so unbearably damp, Csaba took us to a cake shop.

Did I mention that he's the king of couchsurfing?

This cake shop is where adults go to have whimsical fun. There were two actual kids in the whole store.

I was able to eat a gluten-free tiramisu-esque cake for the first time in years. It was nearly too much happy for me to handle.

Then our couchsurfing king took us for a shot of something local at a quirky bar.

Stella's pretty adorable. We love her.

We cheekily wandered into someone's apartment to look at their courtyard.

I believe this elevator must have been built during the time of Attila the Hun. The copious amount of creaking supports my theory.

 The tour wasn't finished. Our host took us up seven flights of stairs to a bar called Tip-Top.

Three guesses as to how it earned its name.

The view was incredible. The rosé spritzers were refreshing and the perfect amount of intoxicating (we still needed to walk down seven flights of treacherous stairs). The conversation was one that made me realize all the things I love about couchsurfing.

This is how I like to experience a city. 

We didn't really explore any monuments yesterday. I used google to do all my research for Budapest's history instead of enduring a free walking tour in the rain. But we ate cake, drank wine, got lost (points for getting lost with a local) and had a unique, fabulous experience of Csaba's Budapest.

Which is a very fine place indeed.