Everything to our couchsurfing host is boring.
"You are missing the sunset. But it is not a big deal because it is boring."
"I don't like going to the islands. They are boring."
"I don't like my job. Work is boring."
"Is there anything you find exciting?"
"Yes. Colorado."
Everything is boring except Colorado. Colorado is exciting because Colorado has the Rocky Mountains and has legalized the use of recreational marijuana.
Although I'm getting a wee bit tired of telling people that the Grand Canyon is not, in fact, found in my home state.
"Oh, Colorado. Denver! Marijuana! South Park! The Grand Canyon!"
Sigh.
Marijuana is the primary reason he accepted Tessa and me as surfers. We share a very small room and a smaller bed that belonged to his daughter (he's now a bachelor and his daughter and wife live in Split).
Perhaps they were too boring.
Aimee... stop being so mean. He's a genuinely nice guy. I mean, he's opened up his house to us and fed us a delicious dinner with wine and seems... well... happy that we're here?
Tessa and I are confused as to why this fellow accepts couchsurfers. Everyone has their own reasons, of course -- but they are usually something similar to desiring conversation/cultural exchange.
Our host doesn't seem to desire conversation. Except to tell us that we're wrong, of course.
"Snakes are really dangerous in Australia," began Tessa. Who has spent three months living in Australia.
"No. Snakes aren't a problem. It is the spiders," contradicted our host.
"Washington has legalized marijuana too," I piped up.
"No, it is only Colorado."
"In Istanbul, they put one heaping teaspoon of coffee with one small teaspoon of sugar for each person in a ladle like pot --"
"No, it's one teaspoon of coffee and half a teaspoon of sugar."
"well... maybe that's why no one liked my coffee."
Tessa and I finally just drifted into silence. It's difficult to start conversations with someone who is continually telling you that you're wrong. It's similar to improvising with someone who ruins your stranded in the desert scene with an interruption of, "No, I don't like sand. We're in a shopping mall."
He asked me how long I planned to travel. I told him that my dream is to always travel.
"No, you can't do that. You will settle down when you get a boyfriend."
"If I get a boyfriend, it will have to be a boyfriend who wants to travel with me."
"Then you're being selfish."
"No," Aimee, you can get stressed, or you can eat a peanut. Think about the peanuts. "I'm being realistic. Travel is in my heart. It's in my soul. It would be selfish to enter a relationship with someone who doesn't like travel and then try to change him."
While discussing food, I mentioned that it's difficult to travel the way I do because I never know exactly when my next meal will be. Or what it will be. Our host proceeded to tell me that I shouldn't worry about food because I'm not skinny at all. And that he's not complimenting me.
Hello world.
I'm Aimee.
I'm not skinny.
I'm 129 pounds of yoga muscle with a delightful bit of extra softness around my tummy to protect my ovaries. Which is healthy.
I went to bed. Feeling frumpy and like all my dreams had been squashed.
But I was still thankful for a bed.
Tessa and I drank coffee with our host the next morning. Rather quietly .
Then we happily explored the city. Trying again to understand exactly why this fellow is on couchsurfing and analyzing our peanut stash.
"If we're staying with him another night, we should probably stock up," Tessa said as we walked to city center.
But we had a beautiful day. A day punctuated with ice cream, snacks, reading, cemeteries, turtle watching (Tessa can watch turtles for a very long time. I was thoroughly impressed) and parks.
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| Quote of the day from our centenarian life coach: "Well, now you can see how sensible it is not to start your day by guessing what might happen," said Allan. |
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| I NEVER KNEW ARTICHOKES WERE SO PRETTY |
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| Third picnic. Smiling on the inside. Again. Let's just face it. Tessa's outside hates picnics. |
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| ARMPIT HAIR |
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| The clouds were unreal today. |
ermm...
We might sleep in the woods the night after, or we might find another place to crash.
We'll try to be sensible and not guess what will happen.
We've developed keywords and guidelines, though.
"What would come up in a normal conversation?" I asked Tessa as we walked toward the stoplight for our first ride a couple of days ago
"Umm..."
"CHOCOLATE," I gave my friend no time to finish her thought. "Chocolate would come up in a normal situation."
"But how will we know that we're not just talking about chocolate?" her scientific mind poked holes through my safeword.
"Umm..."
"WHITE chocolate," she quickly smoothed over the situation. "I don't think either of us would bring up white chocolate in conversation."
"Okay. So if we're feeling uncomfortable about the ride, bring up white chocolate and find a way to pull over."
"Yes. White chocolate is a no go."
We have also made a rule to not put our bags (regardless of how massive they are) into the boot of a car. They remain with us. Even when our hosts are catholic priests and have Jesus fish hanging from their rearview mirrors.
I'm sure we will develop more rules as we continue. Stay tuned. Tessa and Aimee will develop a manual for hitching across the Balkans, Greece, Southern Italy, Slovakia, Slovenia, Northern Italy and France.
It will involve lots of chocolate and peanuts. Which will result in peanut butter cups and be AMAZING. The end.
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